I was listening to the oldies station the other day and the song, American Pie by Don McLean came on. I was alone in my car, so I belted out the lyrics drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry with abandon. It made me think of the first time I heard the song in 1971. My boyfriend (later my husband and eventually my ex husband) and I were driving my car to the Salt River. Somehow singing Drove my Dodge to the river, but the river's not dry just didn't have the same pizzaz. But I digress. Having a happy funeral is more memorable than a sad one. It can become a family celebration that starts new cherished memories and increases bonding. They family grows stronger as they get over this very difficult time by leaning on each other and enjoying each other instead of gathering together to be sorrowful. Traditional funeral are dark and quiet besides the sound of weeping there is a certain air of limitation about them in the expression of emotions. Let the funeral be out of the ordinary and let the mourners be free to express joy over the person that they loved. Offers of help. While food is almost always appreciated (see above), sometimes other offers of assistance are needed. Maybe you can provide some hours of childcare, walk a dog, buy a carload of groceries or clean a house. The best thing to do is ask what is needed - then provide. It is sad to see people who are afraid to grow old, not because of losing their youth, but because it is bringing them closer to death. The fear can become so great that it robs them of the time they have left. Honey, Miss Kitty died last night. She's probably gone up to sit on Grandma's lap and keep her company. Give some time for the initial words to sink in and be prepared for whatever reaction. Most children can handle the word died much better than we give them credit for. By all means, you can put forward any religious belief you wish, but take the mystery out of it for the child and tell them the truth. Kids appreciate the truth. They need to know they can trust you, especially in times of crisis. Ego. It has Edged God Out, as someone once put it. As a consequence, humans have little or no sense of felt oneness with Transcendence--the very thing all spiritual traditions seek to restore. How you react to all of this is going to teach your child how to deal with loss and grief for the rest of their lives. Approach it all with love, honesty and understanding and you'll be on the right track. great post to read funeral program funeral program
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